Carol Callicotte

Author

Excavated from the Archives June 19, 2009

Filed under: Completely Off Topic,Funny stuff — A French American Life @ 6:01 pm
Tags: ,

Long ago, in another lifetime, I wanted to be a medical doctor. I got my degree in Microbiology, minored in Chemistry, and took the MCATs – the Medical College Admission Tests, abhorred by all pre-med students. It should have been a sign to me that after a nine hour day (Ten? Eleven? I can’t remember) of testing, I didn’t rush out to celebrate my accomplishment with pizza and beer, I didn’t zone out in front of the TV, and I certainly didn’t look up the answers to questions I’d been unsure of. No, I stayed up late, composing a poem. I make no claims to being a poet, but it’s obvious to me that the urge to write has long been a part of me. Disclaimer: this poem kind of sucks, but I’m still fond of it.

ODE TO THE MCAT

Oh, obstacle of obstacles,

Oh test of tests

As each day passes

I love you less.

What are you measuring?

What is it you ask?

What sick, devious mind,

Invented this task?

“Yawing moment,” “feed water,”

“Lift coefficient,” “ketones,”

When I hear these words

I cannot suppress my groans.

You twist, you taunt,

You tease, you scare.

The mere mention of you

Makes me rip out my hair.

What about my GPA?

And all my other stats?

What more do I have to prove

With the MCATs?

What I’ve learned over years

I review for weeks.

Those pre-med students you hear of?

I’m one of those geeks.

Then test day arrives

I’m up with the sun

Who am I kidding?

I’ve been up since one.

Take your seats, don’t talk,

Don’t eat, don’t smoke

The tension’s so thick

I think I might choke.

One day in a lifetime

Of hard work and strife

Will be the determiner

Of the course of your life.

My mind grows weary

As the clock ticks away

I can think of one billion ways

I’d rather spend my day.

Then it’s all over

Should I cry or laugh?

And what was the right answer

To that one about the giraffe?

Did I do well enough?

Only time will tell.

Never again do I want

To go through this hell!

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