Dear Five Pounds:
We’ve been through a lot. I mean, wow, we had a baby together! Had some good times, eating ice cream, chocolate, ditching workouts, squeezing into clothes we have no business wearing.
But our relationship has run its course. Really, I never intended for it to go on this long. Summer is coming, and I’m ready to move on. I know this isn’t what you want, you’ve made that clear. But you can’t say you haven’t had any warnings. You’ve seen me sweating through extra workouts, avoiding desserts. I’ve even stopped eating chocolate, that’s how bad this has become!
Despite all this, you still haven’t gotten the hint. You’ve become clingy and it’s really time to just go. Please don’t make me ask again. We are OVER. Leave now.
Sincerely but NOT affectionately,